Covenant

I've been married to my handsome husband for a whole year. WOW. There has been a whole lot of joy at times and there for sure has also been some ugly crying here and there, but no one died! I've always heard that the first year of marriage is the hardest and that if you "survive'' year 1 you will be fine. Well we did "survive" and we are "fine" but to say that there isn't bumps ahead would be foolish of me. This year has been so stretching and rewarding all at the same time. What a joy it is to be Mrs. Wraith. I get the pleasure of literally living life with my best friend, my partner in crime, the man who makes me laugh the loudest and the one who cares deeply for me.

When we were engaged I remember asking married woman "how to be a wife" as if there is a list of things you do that make you into a wife. I remember reading/memorizing Proverbs 31 in hopes of being "that wife" but the reality is that every marriage is different, because we as individuals are different. If you know me at all, you know that basically, my husband and I are opposites. He is quick to listen and slow to speak, he is a logical thinker, and he is very into sports. Then there is me, who enjoys sitting in conversation for lengths of time, I'm a high achiever who loves clean spaces, and I have very little hand eye coordination which makes sports a bit challenging. The one thing we have that never changes, is our foundation in Christ. With Christ as the center our marriage stands firm. Oh yes, there days where I'm frustrated and all I can do is let out emotions, which seems to confuse my dear husband even more. But there are good days too. Really good days where we get to live out the Gospel and I just know this is what God intended when He created Marriage.

Let me fill you in on a little backstory about me. There was a time in my life when I didn't want to be married. Yeah, I'm serious. There was a time in my life where the idea of marriage felt more like being controlled by someone. There was a time, where the idea or thought of marriage sounded like torture. My twisted view of marriage was that some man got to boss me around, change me and take my voice away. I remember when Lee sat me down and explained the word submission. Not in the wordy view, but the way Christ intended for wives to submit to their husbands. I don't know if anyone had REALLY shared that with me. It was kind of life changing. I mean, It was still a new concept for me to understand. The idea Lee also shared with me that Christ was the center of our relationship, and that He was to be our foundation. That struck and softened my heart to my tarnished view of what I thought marriage was.

In learning to understand oneness, and that it takes time. Oneness doesn't just happen at the alter. It takes time and effort to know someone on a deeper more intimate level. It takes learning the other person. Deeply desiring to know how they work, what makes them happy what buttons not to push and how to serve them. Learning who they are, respecting who they are and loving them how they are with all their fun quirks. While dating, or even being engaged you think you know your soon to be spouse. I have learned so much more about Lee in this last year of marriage than I had in our dating and engaged relationship. Its a deeper understanding of someone. Seeing Lee in the way God created him and treasuring that!


We are so grateful for our friends and family - our community, who laugh with us, cry with us and cheer us on and encourage us in this covenant! We are only 1 year into our covenant, and I cannot explain the joy marriage has brought. I truly and wholeheartedly believe I was made to be a wife.

from my heart,
Danielle

Fear over Faith

This is the blog I couldn't write for years. The subject that was always the hardest and that I tend to shy away from. The biggest fear I have.

Fear can hold you back.

Fear can paralyze you.

Fear can control you.

Fear has been an idol in my life. Particularly in the area of children. When my husband and I were dating we had "that conversation". You know the conversation of "how many kids do you want". Don't act like you haven't thought about it. (I'm serious). When I told him I didn't want to have children you would have thought I told him I didn't want children to exist in the world. He was shocked and seemed disappointed that there was something we actually disagreed on. My dear husband has always dreamed of having a family he can care for, love on and ultimately teach sports too. ;) He definitely values children and has always desired a family with the idea of children. Now, I am not saying that I do not value children. But when I told him I didn't want to have them I was ultimately saying that my fear is greater than my trust in the Lord.

I can't remember when my fear started or where it stemmed from. I remember telling my roommate at the time, who also didn't understand why I wouldn't want to have children, and she just sat and prayed with me, and cried with me. A lot of woman are vocal about their desire to have children and how they desire to have them sooner than later. I'm usually shying away from those conversation or changing the subject because it would typically lead me to tears at the thought that I didn't have those same strong desires. I wrestled with this frustration, and fear for a long time. If I'm honest I still do. However now, I realize that back then when I would say I didn't want to have children it was really my fear saying I'm scared to have children. I truly desire to have a family of my own. I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to those dreams and desires. But when that fear creeps in, it literally wrecks my heart and paralyzes me to even think about actually having them. So my "simple" reaction is I don't want to have them. When that is the farthest from the truth. The "what if's" creep into my mind. What if I can't have them? Will my husband and family still love me? What if i'm a terrible mother? What if I fail? To be clear, my husband is not pressuring me to have children today or tomorrow. But, sometimes, when the conversations start and the "baby" word is said, I clench up and am literally brought to tears of the idea that I may not be able to give him the children we both desire. I remember when I told my husband about these fears for the first time and he told me he would love me either way and that he was trusting in the Lord for His plan. If I'm honest, at that time I'm not sure if I believed him.

I wrestled with this fear. Pleading, and asking for answers. Shoot, I think I demanded answers as if that's the way God works. You know, throw a fit over something I cannot control and God will just let me peek into a glimpse of His plan. Yeah right. Pretty sure my mind couldn't handle a tiny glimpse of His perfect plan.

How could I truly believe the Lord to be faithful in all areas of my life EXCEPT this one? This was the little piece that I couldn't give to the Lord. This deep fear and insecurity that I kept holding onto, and bottling inside. In my case, fear ultimately became an idol. I was a slave to these thoughts and feelings. Jesus didn't die on the cross so that I could be controlled by this fear.

To set the record straight I do enjoy babies and children. Sure, I may not know every little thing about them and yes, sometimes I cry when I hold them. Okay, that happened once. (sorry baby Grey). But the reality is that my heart is so wrecked by those fears that I miss out on the JOY because I'm choosing fear. I'm choosing to not trust that no matter what happens, children or not, God is enough and if that is not in His plan for us I will embrace what He does have planned for us. I will lean into that and know its all for His glory. I need to remind myself of that truth when the fear creeps in. If I'm being honest, It happens more than I let people think. Its an internal struggle that I am bringing to light, knowing that my God is bigger than my fears and frustration. I want to chase after the Lord choosing Joy even in the unknown. I want His desires to be my own, while I fully trust in Him.

Most of all, what I'm learning with my husband right now in this season is that we want to be content where we are. Not to worry or stress on the what if's but to sit, and soak and truly enjoy where the Lord has brought us in this moment and to continue to choose Faith over fear.

from my heart,
Danielle

Welcome!

Why Flourishing with Grace? 

Flourishing is a word that best describes who I am. To Flourish means to grow or develop in a healthy way. Especially as the result of a particularly favorable environment. I live each day in hope to stay and keep my life deeply rooted in Christ. Therefore I feel I Flourish from this, and my hope is to share this with others!  

Grace. I am defined by the word Grace. “For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this not from yourselves – it is the gift of God.” (Ephesians 2:8). 

I may love to admire all the pretty things in life, but I know there is more to life than material things, and as I go through life appreciating all the threads that God has given for me to Flourish, I hope I learn more of His grace every day.  

May we live lives that Flourish and explore the many threads in life that intertwine with Grace!

Photo Credit: Pinterest

from my heart,
Danielle